#33 Home Despairs

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I follow a simple rule for safe living; never enter a home where I have performed any maintenance work on the plumbing or electrical systems.

When it comes to home repairs I am the very model of unskilled labor.

This isn’t an inherited trait. Given any domestic mechanical problem, my father can work miracles. With a ball of foil, a Dixie cup, a skein of yarn and twenty-five grams of uranium 232, he could whip up a nuclear reactor capable of powering Cleveland for a month. The McGuyver gene must skip a generation because given the same materials the best I’d manage would be a piece of non-representational sculpture that glowed slightly and caused cancer with prolonged exposure.

Yet still I try.

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Tags: humor essay | home repairs | storytelling | griddlecakes