#49 Hunting for a Bargain
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Before I get started on this essay, I need to pause for a moment and surrender my special laminated ‘Manly Guy’ ID card and secret decoder ring. It’s a shame about the card. The front has my name, age, height and weight listed accurately to within forty-three percent. The back lists handy guy phrases and useful profanities in eight languages including Swahili, Polish and Esperanto. But, since I’m about to admit that I sort of … sometimes … when the mood takes me … enjoy shopping, I can’t be a card-carrying guy any more.
Not for clothes. Let me be clear on that. In general I’d prefer an audit by an IRS Agent named Vinnie ‘The Actuary’ Gambone to clothes shopping. Something that looks good on anyone else — a good-looking guy, a store mannequin, the floor — is rejected by my body the way a transplant patient rejects a mismatched liver. You can actually see the attractiveness of the clothing fleeing from my proximity and leaving me standing in a wrinkled heap of cloth that might be an expensive suit or a dust rag with delusions of grandeur. On me, ten-thousand dollars worth of Armani looks like ten cents worth of Rayon.
I confine my shopping to ‘guy’ things like technology and entertainment products.
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A few of the shopping websites mentioned in this episode include:
Tags: humor essay | shopping | bargain | guys | griddlecakes
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