#60 Craftiness

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I want to take a moment and talk about a serious scourge which is sweeping this great nation of ours. No matter where you go, you’re likely to run into someone who ‘crafts’. These poor souls are likely to be caught illicitly using stoneware or strung out on multicolored yarn.

Back in the nineteenth century crafting was a necessity. Hardy pioneer souls who wanted to give their rough hewn log cabins a makeover (“American primitive is sooo last century”) couldn’t just pop into the nearest Sam Walton’s General Store for all new furnishings and decorations. They had to make it themselves, dagnabit! Lack of skill was not an obstacle. Nor was a lack of materials. They worked in whatever they could find; weathered wood, dried apples, or pony poop. Pioneers routinely crafted actual decorations made from the hair of deceased relatives.

Really.

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Tags: humor essay | humor column | crafts | hobbies | macaroni | comedy