#65 Mass Mailing

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When my son was born nineteen years ago, coupons for disposable diapers appeared in my mailbox within the week. The Pampers Network of Spies and Informants was on to me. The military should have used those people for intelligence gathering in Iraq. Not only would they have found the Weapons of Mass Destruction, but they could have sent them Pampers coupons as well.

Realizing that my son’s bottom was a virtual gold mine, other diaper companies got in on the act. Since I wouldn’t need diapers unless I fed my son, those companies passed my address on to formula and baby food companies. Those companies were quick to recognize that my son would be hungrier if he played a lot, so they gave my address to toy companies.

I could chart my son’s development by the letters I received.

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Tags: humor essay | humor column | mail | junk mail | form letter | comedy