#70 Honestly

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It’s not easy being honest. Especially when you honestly want to dismember the person ahead of you in the checkout line.

My wife and I dashed out to the new local Gigant-o-mart (recently built approximately 2.6 miles from the old local Gigant-o-mart) for a few vital grocery items; Cheetos, Poptarts, and two skeins of fuzzy purple yarn. Like sprinters approaching the finish line, we dashed to the â10 Items or Lessâ? express lane and found ourselves cut off by a pair of women who were not intellectual giants in the area of being able to distinguish between ten and two hundred items. Between its bowed-out wheels and ballooned-out sides, their cart looked like a fat lady with weak ankles wearing a plastic fishnet skirt.

Stuffed inside they had several hundred individual silk flowers; more than the store carried. I suspect they actually brought flowers into the store just so they could take them through the check-out line ahead of us. I pitied the single vase quivering nervously at the front of the cart. The flowers-to-vase ratio was similar to the entrants-to-winners ratio in the average magazine sweepstakes.

As the cashier pulled out the first flower, fumbled to find the bar code and swiped it across the scanner, my wife and I did the most logical thing we could think of. We crossed our arms and stared at the women in the meanest way possible while muttering under our breath about how rude they were.

Really.

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Tags: humor essay | humor column | honesty | dedeit | lying | comedy