#80 Storied Problems

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When it comes to mathematical ability, nine out of ten experts agree that Americans can easily outperform most single-celled organisms from other cultures. When it comes to competing with actual human beings — or trained chimps or even well-bred horses — Americans don’t do nearly as well. In fact, they lose six out of seven times which equates to a mere forty-eight percent win/loss ratio.

Like all problems in America, our collective lack of mathematical skills can be blamed on the educational system. This may or may not be true, but it’s easy to blame the educational system. In the coming election, look for Presidential candidates to blame schools for poor public health, the sub-prime mortgage crisis, hurricanes, tidal waves, South American deforestation, and the popularity of Brittany Spears. Politicians like to blame the schools because ninety-eight percent of the public (three voters in twelve) will buy it without question.

In the case of Math skills, the problem can be traced back to the one thing everyone hated in Math class — the teacher, Mrs. MacGruder. Not really. What everyone hated was story problems.

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NOTES:

• There’s a gag in this essay about a story problem involving characters named Tom and Ida. I lifted this from the Sheen’s Brain episode of Jimmy Neutron. (As an homage…not theft!) You can read more about this very entertaining animated series at: http://tinyurl.com/2w4wng.
• You can watch the entire episode for free at http://tinyurl.com/2wjj5x.
• If you’d like some practical advice on solving story problems, I found an interesting article on the web. Check out http://tinyurl.com/37pfqy

Tags: humor essay | humor column | math | story problems | jimmy neutron | comedy