#82 A Rebellious Nature

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On the great feedlot of life, I’m just another barbecue-on-the-hoof, passing time mooing and waiting for the day they award me a gold watch and shoo me into the stunning pen. In terms of domestication, I’m at a ninety-two on a ten-point scale.

I realized the full extent of my tractability at the local Super-Ultra-Mega-Mart last week. I urgently had to purchase a few things including bread, Bandaids, Bactine and a new toaster. At the checkout, I swiped my credit card and scrawled something on the electronic pad that might have been my signature or a quick sketch of two worms wrestling.

The computer beeped and flashed a message. âSignature exceeds space available.â?

I squinted. Sure enough. I’d drawn outside the lines. âSorry,â? I said and signed again, more carefully this time.

It didn’t strike me until I was out of the store. I’d just apologized to a computer. A MACHINE! A hunk of junk hardware no smarter than a fifth-grader had called me out and I just stood there and took it.

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NOTES:

• A few links to things of interest I mentioned in passing:
• If you’re a fan of Are You Smarter Than A Fifth-Grader you can check out the show’s info (and play a trivia game) at http://tinyurl.com/2atl9y.
• Designer Marc Ecko evidently shares my fascination with the Rebel outfits in Star Wars. You can read about his line of Rebel-inspired clothing at: http://tinyurl.com/2ffmjk.
• The Guardian ran a funny rundown of Star Wars fashion. You can read it at http://tinyurl.com/yowl3c.

Tags: humor essay | humor column | rebel | star wars | middle age | comedy