#96 Shopping Spree

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I help my wife with the grocery shopping approximately every eight or nine months. That’s about how long it takes her to forget what happened the last time I helped her.

When it comes to the weekly run to the Giganto-Mart, we have very different approaches. My wife likes to make a menu, prepare a list, and then stick to it. I, on the other hand, like to make a menu, prepare a list, and then buy whatever catches my eye.

Her approach has the benefit of letting her feel virtuous; she’s planning and shopping methodically. My approach has the benefit of letting me feel virtuous (I’m planning methodically) and spontaneous (I’m buying whatever I want!) Sadly, there’s no easy way to reconcile our two different approaches. The best my wife can do is hope to contain me.

She usually does this by sending me off in search of a specific item â canned beans, vinegar, boiled snipe â whatever she thinks will keep me occupied for the longest amount of time. The more intense the quest, the less likely I am to be distracted by … oooh! Look at the new flavors of soda!…

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NOTES: 

• My wife doesn’t really send me hunting snipe, but if you’re interested in the origin of the phrase, check out this article:
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snipe_hunt
• The line about “smart guy” was my homage to the great Steve Martin film Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid. It’s not a family film, but it’s very funny in its own demented way. You can read more at:
  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083798/
• If you’d like to follow me on Twitter (where I try to post a note or two while I’m writing or producing), you’ll find me at:
  http://twitter.com/kevinleec

Tags: humor essay | funny story | shopping | groceries | husband | comedy