If I held a press conference right now, it would sound like this.
Thank-you all for coming. I will keep my remarks brief and I will not be taking questions. I’d like to being by apologizing to my wife for any pain my actions may have caused. It was never my intention to hurt or embarrass [...]

 
From the moment the alarm clock interrupts my inadequate night’s sleep to the moment I drift off in front of the TV while the frowny-faced anchorperson tries to scare me to death with actual news, I am at the mercy of the clock. My high-tech computer-based day planner assigns different colors to different appointments. It [...]

 
My house rings with the rockinâ sound-track of Guitar Hero III … except when Iâm playing. Then it sort of grinds along like a snail on a cheese grater.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Guitar Hero video game franchise — both of you — let me fill you in. Guitar Hero is a game [...]

 
According to the excessively capitalized and exclamation-point-laden e-mail I received last week, I! CAN EARN A DEGREE! RIGHT NOW! FOR WORK EXPERIENCE I’VE! ALREADY! HAD! Unlike your traditional university which requires students to waste time studying and learning, the people who sent me the e-mail recognize the value of my forced participation in the School [...]