If I held a press conference right now, it would sound like this. Thank-you all for coming. I will keep my remarks brief and I will not be taking questions. I’d like to being by apologizing to my wife for any pain my actions may have caused. It was never my intention to hurt [...]

  From the moment the alarm clock interrupts my inadequate night’s sleep to the moment I drift off in front of the TV while the frowny-faced anchorperson tries to scare me to death with actual news, I am at the mercy of the clock. My high-tech computer-based day planner assigns different colors to different appointments. [...]

  My house rings with the rockinâ sound-track of Guitar Hero III … except when Iâm playing. Then it sort of grinds along like a snail on a cheese grater. For those of you unfamiliar with the Guitar Hero video game franchise — both of you — let me fill you in. Guitar Hero is [...]

  According to the excessively capitalized and exclamation-point-laden e-mail I received last week, I! CAN EARN A DEGREE! RIGHT NOW! FOR WORK EXPERIENCE I’VE! ALREADY! HAD! Unlike your traditional university which requires students to waste time studying and learning, the people who sent me the e-mail recognize the value of my forced participation in the [...]