#157 — Please Follow All Instructions Carefully
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This past weekend my wife and I decided to replace our counter-top microwave with an over-the-stove model. We had three good reasons; 1) the old microwave no longer worked, 2) we wanted to reclaim our counter space, and 3) we were idiots.
When we bought the microwave at the local Buy More, the polo-shirted sales guy offered to sell us an installation contract as well. I shrugged him off. The box said it had installation instructions. How hard could it be? The sales guy just gave me a look that said, “You’ll be back. They all come crawling back.”
He might have been on to something. The instructions were written in a language which resembled English, but somewhere along the line the manual had been shaken violently and all of the words had changed places. For example, I had to puzzle out the meaning of this complex sentence; “If the cabinets are not plumb, adjust the mounting plates to the cabinets.” To my way of thinking, some of the words had been lost in shipping and I was left feeling unfulfilled and anxious, like at the end of The Empire Strikes Back. What if I couldn’t adjust the plates? What if the cabinet was plumb? Would Han Solo be rescued?
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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://myfavoriteshortcomings.wordpress.com/2009/06/13/please-follow-all-instructions-carefull/
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Notes:
- Between the Star Wars and Chuck jokes at the beginning and the physics joke at the end, I sort of let my inner geek off the leash this week. For a very funny explanation of Schroedinger’s cat, check out the Straight Dope entry at:
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/113/the-story-of-schroedingers-cat-an-epic-poem - If you haven’t already checked out my son’s audio drama, please take a moment and swing by Airship Diaries at:
http://airshipdiaries.libsyn.com - Finally, don’t forget to add your comments to the Book Proposal at:
http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/bookproposal/
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Loved all the references and, sadly, I must admit that I, too, have met up with the insanity of “helpful” instructions. Over the years, however, I’ve discovered that if you’re willing to trash one appliance, you can learn a lot in the process of taking it apart and attempting to put it back together. Helps a bunch when you really need to fix something later.
Hmmmm…..so next time I should buy two microwaves? Somehow I’m not sure my wife would be on-board with that.
Thanks for the encouraging words, Stuart.