#177 — Things That Go “POOF!”

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In this age of heightened security, I’ve heard that the authorities might be monitoring the telephone conversations of ordinary citizens like me. If they are listening in on my cell calls to my wife, I have two words for them.

Good. Luck.

Really.

Our conversations are non-linear in the same way that tires are non-square, fish are non-mammals, and beefsteak tomatoes are non-meat. For example, imagine that I wanted to tell my wife I’d set up an appointment to have the lawn-chemical warfare guys spray the foundation for bugs.

I pay them to do this every Fall even though I’m not convinced it actually works. For all I know the big hose on their truck is actually connected to a tank filled with leftover cologne that stores couldn’t unload on Father’s Day. If I got down close and sniffed, my house might smell of off-brand aftershave like Old Splice, Tommy Hilfinger, or Huge Old Boss. It might repel the bugs for the same reason these scents repel anyone over the age of eight. Or maybe there never were any bugs to begin with. Or there might be a huge army of bugs massed on the far side of the fence just waiting for the year that I forget to tell my wife the be ready to let the lawn-chemical warfare guys into the backyard. That’s why it’s vitally important for me to call her and tell her to expect them promptly between nine and three tomorrow.

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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://wp.me/pjV28-9G

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Notes:

• You can listen in on all of the fun of Angel Between the Lines at: http://www.angelbetweenthelines.com/
• My interview with the writers is found at: http://www.angelbetweenthelines.com/2009/10/abtlbts01-%E2%80%93-behind-the-scenes-writers/
• And you can find my story “Duluth” at: http://www.angelbetweenthelines.com/2009/10/abtls1duluth-%E2%80%93-stories-from-wolfram-hart-duluth/
• If you’d prefer to read the script, it’s at: http://www.angelbetweenthelines.com/2009/10/abtls1duluth-stories-from-wolfram-hart-duluth-pdf/