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The main problem with film reviews — as far as I’m concerned — is that they tend to be abused by people trying to promote the films. Filmmakers and film reviewers are locked in an unhealthy symbiotic relationship like sharks and remoras, lichens and trees, and American Idol judges and contestants. It’s a bloodsucking relationship in which the hardworking filmmakers are remorselessly drained by the reviewers. Or is it the other way ‘round?

Honestly, it’s tough to tell sometimes.

The poor reviewer has to give up a couple of valuable hours sitting through whatever muck the producers manage to get to stick to the screen and then has to spend another hour or two using a thesaurus to find just the right adjectives for “loathsome”, “nauseating”, and “yucky.” After pounding out a masterpiece (and getting it past the editor and legal department more-or-less intact) the reviewer releases his wisdom to the world. Where it is immediately mangled, mishandled, and abused by the motion picture community. (Full Text)

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Notes:

• As I mentioned on the show, I had some very encouraging comments on the Christmas episode from some other humorists working on the web.  If you’d like to learn more about them, check out their websites at:
  http://www.wandaargersinger.com (Wanda)
  http://rosevalenta.blogspot.com (Rose)
  http://enterthelaughter.com/blog/ (Marti)

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I’ve been thinking a lot about loss lately. Maybe it’s because fall is turning to winter; maybe it’s because I’m getting older; but most likely it’s because my favorite toaster just shuffled off it’s electric coil.

Really.

You have to understand that this was no ordinary toaster. This was an extra-ordinary toaster, a gifted-and-talented toaster, a toaster to be reckoned with. If it had been a pop star it would have been Elvis Presley; the King of Toasters.

This particular toaster’s amazing talent was the ability to make toast and poach an egg. Let’s see your ordinary, store-brand Chrome-and-Bakelite model pull off that little trick. With just a couple of ounces of water and a whipped egg, my brave little toaster could turn out an egg-and-muffin sandwich the equal of any you’d find at the most upscale fast food joint.

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Notes:

• Let me start with some quick shout-outs to some on-line friends; @PirateScribe, @PepperWhiting, Shane, and Chris!  Thanks for all of your kind and supportive words.
• A couple of listeners have caught the J.C. Hutchins joke in episode 180.  You can find J.C. at his on-line home www.jchutchins.net
• Thanks to everyone who listens in at www.CleanCasts.com
• If you haven’t found forgottenclassics.blogspot.com you might want to check them out.
• Finally, if you haven’t listened to my son’s podcast mini-series and enjoy a good steampunk story, you can find it at http://AirshipDiaries.libysn.com

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I love this time of year, when Christmas tiptoes stealthily into the stores. You know how it is. At first it’s just a candy cane or two and then an ornament or maybe a small string of lights. It’s so subtle it would be easy to miss.

Not really.

Christmas lands on retail stores some time in August the way the Allied Army landed on Normandy. When the Holiday merchandise arrives it’s every man for himself and if you stand in one place too long you could find yourself strung with tinsel, illuminated by a string of C7s or splattered white with artificial snow. There’s no place for wimps in a Happy Yuletide.

Every year, the manufacturers trot out bizarre new Christmas-themed products. For example, there’s a certain greeting card company — to protect its identity, we’ll call it Mallhark — that brings out a whole new line of collectible tree ornaments every year. Tucked in amongst the Santas and snowmen and penguins you’ll find Teenage Fashion Model Barbie (trademark), and The Wicked Witch of the West (all rights reserved), and Robby the Robot (patent pending). It gets even stranger when you see the ornaments celebrating Star Trek ™, and Star Wars ™, and assorted superheroes (DC). Who thinks the best way to say “Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward men” is with a Klingon battle cruiser, Han Solo in trooper armor, or Wolverine with his claws extended? Is the company motto actually “When you care enough to send the very weirdest?” (Full Text)

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Notes:

• First of all, let me apologize for the background bird noises at the end of the episode.  That was our pet cockatiel Mr. Bingley.  He was in an obnoxious mood and I didn’t think he was loud enough that the mic would pick him up.   I guess he really wanted to be part of the show.
• Thanks to all of the great folks who commented on episode #180 (-tioning Home Improvement.)
• As I mentioned, in that episode I gave a nod to “The Brink” from the incomparable J.C. Hutchins.  You can learn all about J.C. and his amazing projects at:
  http://www.jchutchins.net
• Thanks to @MichaelPokocky for his shout-out on Twitter and to @elucian for including me in #WriterWednesday
• Finally a tip o’ the hat to the good folks at MQResource.com for including this show in a list of comedy podcasts.  You can read the post at http://tinyurl.com/yfoay9w

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I live in northern Utah which meteorologists describe as having an arid to semi-arid climate. Unlike some parts of the county where the weather never changes — I’m looking at you Southern California — we have definite seasons. If you start keeping track in July, the seasons are hot, hotter, hottest, too hot, when will the heat end, school registration season, why won’t the heat end, windy season, rainy season, Indian summer, why is it hot again, smog, the new Fall TV season, High School football season, Jazz Basketball Season, the one perfect Fall day, hunting season, municipal election season, cold season, flu and cold season, colder, coldest, why can’t it be hot again, smog, first snowfall isn’t it beautiful, snowing? again?, Christmas shopping season, bad roads and fender-bender season, Christmas day with a thirty-percent chance of snow, Hollywood awards season, smog, almost spring, melty, snow pack runoff, street flooding, road construction planning, the one perfect spring day, rain, rainier, rainiest, smog, lawn mower repair season, the annual blooming of the orange barrels, constructions guys with shovels but no visible work to do, graduation season, wedding season, smog, early summer, and finally back to hot. (Full Text)

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Notes:

• Thanks to Chris Lane for some kind words this week.  You can learn more about Chris (and see some of his terrific photos) at http://www.ChrisLanePhoto.com
• As mentioned on the episode, Twitter friend @Mainframe noticed that I was on a “behind the scenes” episode of Angel Between the Lines where I got to talk about directing for an audio drama.  If you’re interested, you can listen in at:
  http://www.angelbetweenthelines.com/2009/11/abtls1bts002-behind-the-scenes-with-the-directors/