Posted in November 25, 2006 ¬ 9:15 amh.Kevin
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I realized the other day that I’m nuts. This revelation hit me just after I pulled the fifth dead pen from the cup on my desk, scratched futilely at the page with it, and then returned it to the cup. Did I expect it to heal? Was the passing of this ballpoint so traumatic that I had to go into denial? Was I so phenomenally lazy that I couldn’t even get up to toss the thing into the trash?
Lazy or crazy? Given the options, I’ll plead insanity.
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Want to know what happens next? Check out the whole audio essay at www.ShortCummingsAudio.com.
There’s an interesting article on irrationality on the Wikipedia.
Tags: humor essay | family | kids
Posted in November 18, 2006 ¬ 9:15 amh.Kevin
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Life is full of rhythms and patterns. The earth rotates on its axis every twenty-four hours. Bad old ideas are turned into bad new TV shows every Fall. Presidential candidates lie about each other every four years. Even my own home has a rhythm, but it’s changed over time.
Sixteen years ago Ã?? when my children were actually children Ã?? their needs defined the rhythm of my life.
6:00am — Realizing that he had only moments to be out of bed before the sun cleared the horizon, my two-year old jumped up and announced, “Is time ‘a get up now!”
6:10am — Frantic that mommy and daddy weren’t immediately fully conscious and dressed, the two-year old enlisted the aid of his infant brother by rocking the cradle violently until the baby started to cry. This made the two-year old cry.
6:12am — With both children going at full volume, my wife and I had no choice but to get up.
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Want to know what happens next? Check out the whole audio essay at www.ShortCummingsAudio.com.
You can find a useful article on getting your baby on a schedule here.
I also want to thank Rob Gamble over at MyPodMentor.com for remixing the music bed. Be sure to listen at the end of the show for my shout-out to Rob.
Tags: humor essay | family | baby
Posted in November 11, 2006 ¬ 7:15 amh.Kevin
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For years I resisted buying a cell phone. As near as I could tell, it was just a very long leash. If I carried one I could never be alone or out of reach. In a moment of weakness, I succumbed and, to my surprise … I found out I was right all along.
A trip to the store confirmed my suspicions.
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Want to know what happens next? Check out the whole audio essay at www.ShortCummingsAudio.com.
By coincidence, there’s fun little web game with the same title as this episode. You’ll find it here.
Posted in November 4, 2006 ¬ 7:15 amh.Kevin
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Halloween is over and that means that there are only about fifty more hinting days until Christmas. I personally began my hinting campaign in late July. There’s no sense in leaving these things to the last minute.
The important thing about hinting is that it has to be subtle.
For some perverse reason, family members refuse to buy the gifts you really want. You could stand in the middle of the living room daily and say, “I’d really like an argyle sweater for Christmas,” but it wouldn’t do any good. You could take out full-page ads in large metropolitan newspapers explaining that somebody might get hurt if you don’t get your sweater, and it would make your family all the more determined to buy you something else.
On the other hand, if you only once mention that you kind of like the Beer Barrel Polka, you’ll find a dozen CDs by Yodel and the Accordion Meisters under the tree.
That’s why you have to hint.
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If you like this small sample and want to hear the rest of the essay (or others like it), please visit the Short Cummings Audio website at www.shortcummingsaudio.com.
In this episode, there’s a running gag about an argyle sweater. You can learn about the origins of the argyle pattern in this Wikipedia article.
