Short Cummings Audio presents Happily Domesticated » science http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com Life -- In Funny, Six-Minute Slices Sat, 24 Jul 2010 07:15:23 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 Every episode features a new funny story. Think Erma Bombeck with a PC, Dave Barry with recording software or Garrison Keillor with a microphone... Oh, wait. Strike that last one. If you enjoy clean humor and a slightly skewed perspective on family life (I have two teenage sons...of course my life is skewed-up) please give this show a listen. Kevin Cummings clean Kevin Cummings KevinLeeC@yahoo.com KevinLeeC@yahoo.com (Kevin Cummings) 2006-2010 Life -- In Funny, Six-Minute Slices humor, humor essay, funny, funny story, shortcomings Short Cummings Audio presents Happily Domesticated » science http://assets.farpointmedia.net/shortc/images/shortc.albumart.144.jpg http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com #191 — The Tools Make the Man http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/2010/02/191-the-tools-make-the-man/ http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/2010/02/191-the-tools-make-the-man/#comments Sat, 06 Feb 2010 07:15:26 +0000 Kevin http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/?p=1284 In late 2009 the scientific community went gaga over the discovery of a tool-using octopus. Well, actually there was more than one tool-using octopus, but since no one in the scientific community could remember whether the plural of octopus is octopi, octopusses or octo-pods, they decided to just report on one of them.

The slimy critter in question was videotaped gathering up coconut halves from the ocean floor near Australia, cleaning them out, and then using them as a rudimentary form of shelter. I’m no scientist, but watching the video raised several very important questions in my mind. Why were there coconut halves on the ocean floor? Where did the octopus live before he built himself an environmentally-friendly new home? And what kind of interest rate did the octopus get for its new coconut shell house? (Full version)

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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://wp.me/pjV28-az

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]]> http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/2010/02/191-the-tools-make-the-man/feed/ 0 comedy, funny, humor, guys, tools, scientists Life -- In Funny, Six-Minute, Slices In late 2009 the scientific community went gaga over the discovery of a tool-using octopus. Well, actually there was more than one tool-using octopus, but since no one in the scientific community could remember whether the plural of octopus is octopi, octopusses or octo-pods, they decided to just report on one of them. The slimy critter in question was videotaped gathering up coconut halves from the ocean floor near Australia, cleaning them out, and then using them as a rudimentary form of shelter. I’m no scientist, but watching the video raised several very important questions in my mind. Why were there coconut halves on the ocean floor? Where did the octopus live before he built himself an environmentally-friendly new home? And what kind of interest rate did the octopus get for its new coconut shell house? (Full version (http://wp.me/pjV28-az)) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://wp.me/pjV28-az (http://wp.me/pjV28-az) -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Notes: * Thanks to Elise for her kind comments on episode #165.  You can find her on the web at: http://betanisbureau.com/ (http://betanisbureau.com/) * Likewise, thanks to Tim King for pointing folks my way on Twitter.  You can find him on the web at: http://www.JTimothyKing.com (http://www.JTimothyKing.com) * Finally, it's really nice to have Ron back "on the air" at http://www.griddlecakes.com (http://griddlecakes.com/) Kevin Cummings clean 7:16 #161 — Missed Diagnoses http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/2009/07/161-missed-diagoses/ http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/2009/07/161-missed-diagoses/#comments Sat, 11 Jul 2009 07:15:57 +0000 Kevin http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/?p=1056

During the recent influenza outbreak, news broadcasters switched into hilarious panic mode. Night after night they talked excitedly in the manner of newscasters in classic Japanese monster movies.

“Swine flu has been sighted outside your town and is headed your way! It will destroy you and your family! You must evacuate at once!”

From the sound of it, we should have been running in panic down the streets while a sixty-foot virus stomped our homes into rubble. The only thing missing was a scientist in a white lab coat and black plastic glasses telling us his secret invention was the key to defeating Swine Flu, but that he couldn’t use it because it was too powerful for mankind to possess.

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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://myfavoriteshortcomings.wordpress.com/2009/07/11/missed-diagnoses/

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]]> http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/2009/07/161-missed-diagoses/feed/ 0 health,media,medicine,science,swine flu - During the recent influenza outbreak, news broadcasters switched into hilarious panic mode. Night after night they talked excitedly in the manner of newscasters in classic Japanese monster movies. - “Swine flu has been sighted outside your town and... During the recent influenza outbreak, news broadcasters switched into hilarious panic mode. Night after night they talked excitedly in the manner of newscasters in classic Japanese monster movies. “Swine flu has been sighted outside your town and is headed your way! It will destroy you and your family! You must evacuate at once!” From the sound of it, we should have been running in panic down the streets while a sixty-foot virus stomped our homes into rubble. The only thing missing was a scientist in a white lab coat and black plastic glasses telling us his secret invention was the key to defeating Swine Flu, but that he couldn’t use it because it was too powerful for mankind to possess. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://myfavoriteshortcomings.wordpress.com/2009/07/11/missed-diagnoses/ =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Notes: * A quick shout-out to all of the nice folks I've been chatting with on Twitter including @spelleanor (http://www.twitter.com/spelleanor), @zac_in_ak (http://www.twitter.com/zac_in_ak), @themoneygeek (http://www.twitter.com/themoneygeek), @mainframe (http://www.twitter.com/mainframe), @mmangen (http://www.twitter.com/mmangen), @CoolB (http://www.twitter.com/CoolB), @NewForestAlex (http://www.twitter.com/NewForestAlex), @BecaVan (http://www.twitter.com/BecaVan), @jTimothyKing (http://www.twitter.com/jTimothyKing), @verseandy (http://www.twitter.com/verseandy) and @hjkuzcotopia (http://www.twitter.com/hjkuzcotopia). * Thanks to Kim and And for playing my promo on the Joss Wheadon fan podcast Upsidedown and Halfway to Happyland (http://www.upsidedownhappyland.com) * Thanks also to CleanCasts.com (http://www.cleancasts.com) -- a great directory -- for featuring this program and @Betanie (http://www.twitter.com/Betanie) for the re-Tweet of their announcement. * Finally, thanks to Shane and Stephen and cousin Tim for hanging in there with me during a recent writing session.  It was fun to have you along. Kevin Cummings clean #149 — Glandular Problems http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/2009/04/149-glandular-problems/ http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/2009/04/149-glandular-problems/#comments Sat, 18 Apr 2009 07:15:39 +0000 Kevin http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/?p=954

According to Mr. Tovey, my high school biology teacher, the human body is controlled by a complex set of interconnected organs called glands. For example, you have the adrenal glands; small, timid, and easily frightened organs that panic at the first sign of trouble. Imagine that you’re sitting quietly, letting your mind wander and maybe dozing a bit. Ever vigilant, your adrenal glands are scanning the environment for potential threats like someone else in the meeting asking for your opinion on the Colossus Project. You, personally, would like to handle this calmly and professionally, by raising a single eyebrow as if to say, What do you think I think?

No such luck. Your adrenal glands are squirting adrenaline on all of your other organs like a fireman hosing down a burning factory. Those other organs — which had been dozing right along with you — jump up and start freaking out. Your heart, lungs and sweat glands all race out of control and the best you can manage is a shouted, “WHAT DO YOU THINK I THINK?”

This gives everyone in the room the impression that you are a paranoid, raving lunatic and your adrenal gland can rest easy knowing that it has once again saved you from the danger of earning a promotion.

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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://myfavoriteshortcomings.wordpress.com/2009/04/18/glandular-problems/

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]]> http://www.shortcummingsaudio.com/2009/04/149-glandular-problems/feed/ 2 hormones,school,science - According to Mr. Tovey, my high school biology teacher, the human body is controlled by a complex set of interconnected organs called glands. For example, you have the adrenal glands; small, timid, and easily frightened organs that panic at the firs... According to Mr. Tovey, my high school biology teacher, the human body is controlled by a complex set of interconnected organs called glands. For example, you have the adrenal glands; small, timid, and easily frightened organs that panic at the first sign of trouble. Imagine that you’re sitting quietly, letting your mind wander and maybe dozing a bit. Ever vigilant, your adrenal glands are scanning the environment for potential threats like someone else in the meeting asking for your opinion on the Colossus Project. You, personally, would like to handle this calmly and professionally, by raising a single eyebrow as if to say, What do you think I think? No such luck. Your adrenal glands are squirting adrenaline on all of your other organs like a fireman hosing down a burning factory. Those other organs -- which had been dozing right along with you -- jump up and start freaking out. Your heart, lungs and sweat glands all race out of control and the best you can manage is a shouted, "WHAT DO YOU THINK I THINK?" This gives everyone in the room the impression that you are a paranoid, raving lunatic and your adrenal gland can rest easy knowing that it has once again saved you from the danger of earning a promotion. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://myfavoriteshortcomings.wordpress.com/2009/04/18/glandular-problems/ (http://myfavoriteshortcomings.wordpress.com/2009/04/18/glandular-problems/) -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Notes: * Thanks to Tairy for including one of my essays in episode #170 of Little Red's Writing Hood.  You can find out more at: http://www.lrwh.us/lrwh.us/LRWH-Podcast.html (http://www.lrwh.us/lrwh.us/LRWH-Podcast.html) * Thanks, also, to Jeffrey Hite at Great Hites for the bumper.  You can follow Jeffrey's great podcast at: http://greathites.blogspot.com (http://greathites.blogspot.com) * Finally, my continued gratitude to the good folks at Slice of SciFi for promoting my show.  Find them (and listen in) at: http://www.sliceofscifi.com (http://www.sliceofscifi.com) Kevin Cummings clean