If it was a horse we’d be talking about sending it to the glue factory. If it was a car, we’d be looking to trade it in. If it was a character in a soap opera, it’d be that guy who is laying unconscious in a hospital bed while the other characters shake their heads and whisper about how sad it is.

For the economy to improve, it’s going to have to catch its second wind; get a new engine; or wake up from its coma and realize that it has to win back Jessica who ran off with Dr. Harmon. In short, the economy needs a rapid infusion of cash … stat! The only way this is going to happen is if people get out and start buying stuff again. I’m looking at you Mr. and Mrs. American Consumer. (Full Text)

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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://wp.me/pjV28-b3
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I love this time of year, when Christmas tiptoes stealthily into the stores. You know how it is. At first it’s just a candy cane or two and then an ornament or maybe a small string of lights. It’s so subtle it would be easy to miss.

Not really.

Christmas lands on retail stores some time in August the way the Allied Army landed on Normandy. When the Holiday merchandise arrives it’s every man for himself and if you stand in one place too long you could find yourself strung with tinsel, illuminated by a string of C7s or splattered white with artificial snow. There’s no place for wimps in a Happy Yuletide.

Every year, the manufacturers trot out bizarre new Christmas-themed products. For example, there’s a certain greeting card company — to protect its identity, we’ll call it Mallhark — that brings out a whole new line of collectible tree ornaments every year. Tucked in amongst the Santas and snowmen and penguins you’ll find Teenage Fashion Model Barbie (trademark), and The Wicked Witch of the West (all rights reserved), and Robby the Robot (patent pending). It gets even stranger when you see the ornaments celebrating Star Trek ™, and Star Wars ™, and assorted superheroes (DC). Who thinks the best way to say “Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward men” is with a Klingon battle cruiser, Han Solo in trooper armor, or Wolverine with his claws extended? Is the company motto actually “When you care enough to send the very weirdest?” (Full Text)

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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://wp.me/pjV28-9X

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Notes:

• First of all, let me apologize for the background bird noises at the end of the episode.  That was our pet cockatiel Mr. Bingley.  He was in an obnoxious mood and I didn’t think he was loud enough that the mic would pick him up.   I guess he really wanted to be part of the show.
• Thanks to all of the great folks who commented on episode #180 (-tioning Home Improvement.)
• As I mentioned, in that episode I gave a nod to “The Brink” from the incomparable J.C. Hutchins.  You can learn all about J.C. and his amazing projects at:
  http://www.jchutchins.net
• Thanks to @MichaelPokocky for his shout-out on Twitter and to @elucian for including me in #WriterWednesday
• Finally a tip o’ the hat to the good folks at MQResource.com for including this show in a list of comedy podcasts.  You can read the post at http://tinyurl.com/yfoay9w

Last weekend I went into unfriendly territory on a difficult mission; I went to the mall to get my watch battery replaced. When I was young, the mall and I were practically inseparable. I thought our love would stand the test of time and we’d be together forever. Sometime around my fortieth birthday we starting drifting apart. To be really honest, things had cooled between us all through my thirties. Stores that had once seemed so fresh and bold started feeling shallow and tacky. It wasn’t that I didn’t love the mall anymore, it’s just that I wasn’t in love with it. I’d grown and the mall hadn’t. It couldn’t give me the one thing I really wanted – a nice, quiet evening at home.

At least that’s what I told myself.

The truth is I can’t stand the mall because it makes me feel old and out of touch….

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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://myfavoriteshortcomings.wordpress.com/2009/02/28/malled/

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Notes:

• Special thanks to my two contributors this week:
  http://themoneygeek.com/
  http://greathites.blogspot.com
  
• Also, as noted in the episode, I’ve been doing some work with the great folks of Between The Lines Studios. You can find out more at:
  http://www.betweenthelinesstudios.com