I’ll never forget my first love; her pale beige skin nearly glowed and I couldn’t wait to get my hands on her full-sized keyboard.  More than anything, I wanted her to be mine.

The relationship lasted about a year before I was bored and ready to move on.  Like most guys, I’m fickle and faithless when it comes to technology.

It starts – at least it started for me – in high school.  I used to hang out with my geek friends reading magazines.  You know the kind…”industry publications”; their pages filled with provocative full-color photos of circuit boards and interfaces.  We told everybody we bought them for the articles, but in truth we were after the hardware pictures. (Full Text)

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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://wp.me/pjV28-x
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I’ve been thinking a lot about loss lately. Maybe it’s because fall is turning to winter; maybe it’s because I’m getting older; but most likely it’s because my favorite toaster just shuffled off it’s electric coil.

Really.

You have to understand that this was no ordinary toaster. This was an extra-ordinary toaster, a gifted-and-talented toaster, a toaster to be reckoned with. If it had been a pop star it would have been Elvis Presley; the King of Toasters.

This particular toaster’s amazing talent was the ability to make toast and poach an egg. Let’s see your ordinary, store-brand Chrome-and-Bakelite model pull off that little trick. With just a couple of ounces of water and a whipped egg, my brave little toaster could turn out an egg-and-muffin sandwich the equal of any you’d find at the most upscale fast food joint.

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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://wp.me/pjV28-a0

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Notes:

• Let me start with some quick shout-outs to some on-line friends; @PirateScribe, @PepperWhiting, Shane, and Chris!  Thanks for all of your kind and supportive words.
• A couple of listeners have caught the J.C. Hutchins joke in episode 180.  You can find J.C. at his on-line home www.jchutchins.net
• Thanks to everyone who listens in at www.CleanCasts.com
• If you haven’t found forgottenclassics.blogspot.com you might want to check them out.
• Finally, if you haven’t listened to my son’s podcast mini-series and enjoy a good steampunk story, you can find it at http://AirshipDiaries.libysn.com

One camp is populated entirely by people who have an excess of ready cash; these are the People of the Apple. They’re eager to point out that the Apple OS is now in version X which is waaay better than version seven. So what that Apple hardware costs about three times as much as the Windows equivalent? It’s just ‘that’ much cooler. They say they’d like to see Windows gone, but deep in their hearts they know they really need Windows so they’ll have something to feel smug and superior about.

The folks in the Linux camp have no use for anyone who isn’t willing to compile an operating system in order to use it. You have to watch them closely because they’ll GREP or FINGER you at the drop of a CD-ROM. They don’t care about other operating systems because all non-Linux software is just a pale reflection of the Platonic ideal.

The largest camp is made up of actual Windows users; half of whom hate the thought of a new version while the other half cling to the hope that this time things will be better.

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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at

http://wp.me/pjV28-93

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Notes:

My thanks to all of the great folks who sent encouraging words my way this week:

• Stuart Jaffe
• Jeffrey Hite
• @RedPenofDoom
• Shane
• Stephen
• @Zac_in_Ak
• @RobertoBarriero

I am utterly reliant on odd assortment of inventions, devices, gadgets and gizmos; so long as the technology holds out, I’ll be fine. In my imagination, I am a survivor-type whose courage is a match for any calamity. In truth, I’m a technologically-coddled coward who whimpers when the DVR misses the latest episode of Dr. Who.

That’s how bad it’s gotten.

Really.

My ancestors had to decide what television programs to watch by actually finding and reading TV Guide. Fortunately, in those unenlightened times, the number TV stations was small enough to count on the fingers of a cartoon character’s hand. Scanning through a three-program listing and deciding not to watch TV was much easier than flipping through two-hundred channels and a half-dozen pay-per-view movies before deciding not to watch TV. The DVR makes the whole process even harder because now I have to decide not to watch recorded programs, too.

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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at

http://myfavoriteshortcomings.wordpress.com/2009/08/08/technologically-dependent/

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Notes:

• You can find frequent contributer Shane McAfee’s blog at http://bdgjm.blogspot.com/
• Twitter Pal @Betani has a really interesting website at http://betanisbureau.com/
• Thanks to Robert Gasperson for his comment on Mile Marker 45.  You can learn more about Robert on his blog at http://www.robertgasperson.com

I have trouble understanding his messages because I’m not fluent in “text”. Unlike him, I’m not a native speaker. He makes fun of my text messages and says that I’m old-fashioned and anybody hip to the real lingo can tell I’m not a cool cat. (Whenever I talk like that he just rolls his eyes.)

If I send him a perfectly reasonable message like, “I’m guessing you’re out of groceries and need to do your laundry. Do you plan to come home this weekend? Love, Dad” He answers with some cryptic note like “AFAIK”. When I seek clarification with, “I’m sorry. I didn’t quite get that,” he responds with a testy, “AS FAR AS I KNOW.” If I ask him why he didn’t just say that in the first place he texts back, “Don’t make me waste letters.”

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Like this excerpt? Want the whole story? Listen to the audio version by clicking the ‘Play’ button at the top of this post. If you’d rather read it, you can find the full text at http://myfavoriteshortcomings.wordpress.com/2009/05/02/short-answers/

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Notes:

• My thanks to Clinton of Comedy4Cast for letting me borrow a couple of his characters — Nomad451 and Lenny Treetop — for this essay.  Clinton’s podcast is one of my favorites and is clean and very, very funny.  You can find it at:
  http://www.comedy4cast.com
• Despite the fact that I poked fun at Twitter, I’m really a big fan.  You can find me at:
  http://www.twitter.com/KevinLeeC
• Also, the Twitter pals I mentioned on the show were Melas and OgreKev.  The Twitter couple I mentioned are Garazi and Stefsull.
• Thanks to the following podcasts for playing my promo:
  http://theweirdshow.com/
  http://www.dragonpage.com/
• Finally, just to show you that real life is nearly always stranger than fiction, the proposal I mentioned in the show is real.  Read about it here:
  http://blog.wired.com/underwire/2008/03/sweetest-tweet.html